Email’s a wonderful thing. I can’t remember to post a letter (one to my solicitor is still in my bag). But I can send stuff anywhere in the world just like that…

But of course now we have Messages, Messenger, WhatsApp…

IOTSUE (if only they still used email…)

Did I tell you about Jo Unwin? She’s a literary agent (married to Chris Morris, represents Richard Ayoade) and friends with my ‘friend’ Robert, whom I last saw in Taroudant, Morocco on my honeymoon (he just happened to be there). Anyway, that was the only time he met K, and he didn’t remember her at all, so he was right to read my ‘memoir’ (which is now called: In Those Days I Could Still Eat Lobster…).
Robert said: Can I show it to my friend J?
I said: Too soon!
I then had a drink with my agent (when I was staying with you), sorted it all out (he doesn’t represent book writers, but I had to show him the courtesy…) , and sent it to JU via Robert.

3 weeks later I get an email from him: Can I send it in another format?
By this stage I:
Am in the ‘new’ (for which read ‘old’) house;
Don’t have broadband (later);
Don’t have the memoir on my iPhone;
Don’t have iCloud (because no broadband);
Don’t have a wireless printer to print it off my iPad (which of course has no USB socket…).
And the whole point was I’d put the document in Pages (as opposed to writing it in Notes) because that was the standard system on Macs (not Microsoft Word, which I did have but now doesn’t work with my computer…).

I had a Mac, she (presumably) had a Mac, what was the problem?

Well, there was one, apparently.
I said to Robert (whom I haven’t seen since 1997): I could copy the doc from my iPad to my laptop; plug laptop into my old printer; buy ream of paper; print it off; buy a Jiffy bag; post it to agent… That was good enough for me when I first got an agent…
He said: Don’t be silly!
And sorted out the problem in 10 minutes…
So: 3 weeks’ delay for 10 minutes’ work!
I would rather just have posted it 3 weeks’ ago.

(Well, that doesn’t work either. They did use email… But you get the picture…)



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I had a stroke on July 26th, 2013. I was a screenwriter. Don’t do that anymore. But have found another way to write.

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