The Muslim porters all say ‘salaam alaykum’ to each other when they walk past in the corridor.

I said ‘inshallah’ to my porter, which made him chuckle.

I then told him that Islam was definitely far saner than Christianity, to which he vociferously agreed: he used to be a Christian, so he knew!

I hit him with the ‘Holy Ghost’ routine: ‘I know the father, I know the son, but who the hell is the Holy Ghost? I bet even the Archbishop of Canterbury can’t give a proper answer!’

To which the porter said: ‘They know not of what they speak…’